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Home / The Cryptic Kabaret Presents…

The Cryptic Kabaret Presents…

HATE. LOVE. FEAR. JOY. INNOCENCE.

All the fun of the fair…

HATE and the UNHOLY HEART
LOVE and other DARK DELUSIONS
FEAR and the BEAUTIFUL BEAST
JOY and the MYSTERY OF MADNESS
INNOCENCE and the SWEETNESS OF SIN

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UK orders only

For all overseas shipping please contact me before purchase.

Please get in touch if you are interested in purchasing any of my artwork which is not for sale in this shop.

mr.cronch

'THE FOOLISH PATH' (acrylic paint on A3 canvas boa

'THE FOOLISH PATH' (acrylic paint on A3 canvas board)

'Upon the foolish path we tread, We the living, and the dead'

Based on 'The Three Dead Kings', also known by its Latin title De Tribus Regibus Mortuis or as The Three Living and the Three Dead, a 15th-century Middle English poem. Its authorship is sometimes attributed to a Shropshire priest, John Audelay.

Basically it is a cautionary tale which imparts to the the reader an age old wisdom that LIFE IS SHORT - SO STOP CLOWNING AROUND AND DO SOMETHING WITH IT.
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#artwork #illustration #instaart #acrylicpainting #illustrator #medieval #acryliconcanvas #medievaltimes #darkart #artoftheday #creepy #strangeart #colourfulart #creative #weirdart #surrealart #macabreart #beautifulbizarre #fantasyart #medievalart #middleages #medievalworld #clowns #clownmakeup #clowncore #allegory #decorativeart #artist #artistic #canvaspainting

'THE FOOLISH PATH' (acrylic paint on A3 canvas boa

'THE FOOLISH PATH' (acrylic paint on A3 canvas board - details)

'Upon the foolish path we tread, We the living, and the dead'

Based on 'The Three Dead Kings', also known by its Latin title De Tribus Regibus Mortuis or as The Three Living and the Three Dead, a 15th-century Middle English poem. Its authorship is sometimes attributed to a Shropshire priest, John Audelay.

Basically it is a cautionary tale which imparts to the the reader an age old wisdom that LIFE IS SHORT - SO STOP CLOWNING AROUND AND DO SOMETHING WITH IT.
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#artwork #illustration #instaart #acrylicpainting #illustrator #medieval #acryliconcanvas #medievaltimes #darkart #artoftheday #creepy #strangeart #colourfulart #creative #weirdart #surrealart #macabreart #beautifulbizarre #fantasyart #medievalart #middleages #medievalworld #clowns #clownmakeup #clowncore #allegory #decorativeart #artist #artistic #canvaspainting

'THE FOOLISH PATH' (acrylic paint on A3 canvas boa

'THE FOOLISH PATH' (acrylic paint on A3 canvas board)

'Upon the foolish path we tread, We the living, and the dead'

Based on 'The Three Dead Kings', also known by its Latin title De Tribus Regibus Mortuis or as The Three Living and the Three Dead, a 15th-century Middle English poem. Its authorship is sometimes attributed to a Shropshire priest, John Audelay.

Basically it is a cautionary tale which imparts to the the reader an age old wisdom that LIFE IS SHORT - SO STOP CLOWNING AROUND AND DO SOMETHING WITH IT.
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#artwork #illustration #instaart #acrylicpainting #illustrator #medieval #acryliconcanvas #medievaltimes #darkart #artoftheday #creepy #strangeart #colourfulart #creative #weirdart #surrealart #macabreart #beautifulbizarre #fantasyart #medievalart #middleages #medievalworld #clowns #clownmakeup #clowncore #allegory #decorativeart #artist #artistic #canvaspainting

'THE VISITORS' (acrylic paint on A3+ size canvas)

'THE VISITORS' (acrylic paint on A3+ size canvas)
Full picture.
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#fish #waves #sea #art #nature #underwater #artist #diving #artistsoninstagram #reef #coral #instaart #scuba #undersea #scubadiving #sealife #swimming #tropicalfish #redsea #snorkelling #snorkel #seapainting #oceanscene #acrylicpainting #oceanpainting #artistic #coralreef #aquascape #wildlifeartist #wildlifeart

'THE VISITORS' (acrylic paint on A3+ size canvas)

'THE VISITORS' (acrylic paint on A3+ size canvas)
Close up details of this deep sea view.
Swimmers caught in between the two worlds of ocean and sky in this Red Sea scene.

Many thanks to Jane and David for commissioning me to paint this ridiculously challenging artwork. Now I know how stunning coral really is!
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#fish #waves #sea #art #nature #underwater #artist #diving #artistsoninstagram #reef #coral #instaart #scuba #undersea #scubadiving #sealife #swimming #tropicalfish #redsea #snorkelling #snorkel #seapainting #oceanscene #acrylicpainting #oceanpainting #artistic #coralreef #aquascape #wildlifeartist #wildlifeart

Beginning 2021 with a colourful splash... 'THE V

Beginning 2021 with a colourful splash...
'THE VISITORS' (acrylic paint on A3+ size canvas)
A Red Sea view from the sky down into the blue depths of the ocean. An elongated slice of sunlight and shadows, with swimmers caught inbetween the two worlds - visitors floating in the sky of the sea...
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#fish #waves #sea #art #nature #underwater #artist #diving #artistsoninstagram #reef #coral #instaart #scuba #undersea #scubadiving #sealife #swimming #tropicalfish #redsea #snorkelling #snorkel #seapainting #oceanscene #acrylicpainting #oceanpainting #artistic #coralreef #aquascape #wildlifeartist #wildlifeart

It's a brand new year, I have a brand new head, an

A colourful, creative splurge of moments from my u

A colourful, creative splurge of moments from my unique year.

2020 - the year I turned 50, cut off a decade's worth of long hair, created @agitate.art along with @helen.ara , appeared in 3 magazines, wrote a novel, donated artwork to anyone who asked (including 6 animal sanctuaries/hunt sab groups), had more zoom chats than ever before, watched 138 episodes of Dr.Who, saw my friendship group shrink down to a lovely, empathetic, caring group of true friends (whilst the rest vanished into the cyber-sunset), returned home for a fortnight to care for my sick (and now successfully recovering) parents in Malvern, determinedly turned my back on all the madness and negativity of radio, TV, and social media 'news', and sat at my desk for months and months, turning this strange year into ART.

Here's wishing for a happier, healthier, saner New Year for all - one in which the lessons of covid (and the factory farming/exploitation of animals that provided the breeding ground that spawned it) will NOT be forgotten and will be acted upon.
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#instaart #artsy #acrylicpainting #creative #govegan #contemporaryart #artistic #2020 #happynewyear #acrylicart #acrylicpaintings #creativity #illustrator #wildlifeart #lookingback #covidyear #myyearinreview #artydays #arsingaround #messingaround #creatingart #myfamily #copingwithcovid #meandmyfamily #plantpowered #veganartist #veganartivist #artofcompassionprojectartist #animalart #animalartist

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (12) We end our little sojo

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (12)
We end our little sojourn into the world of my childhood art with two celebratory pictures of special occasions. One is of 'Bom Fiyur Night' (Bonfire Night), complete with a depiction of fireworks and Guy Fawkes on the bonfire, and the other, very fittingly, is a 'Christmas Pichur' with 'Furthur Crisms' and one of the weirdest looking reindeers EVER.

And with that, since its a sunny Chrismas Eve morning in Somerset, U.K., I'd like to wish all my friends out there in INSTA-WORLD a very HAPPY CHRISTMAS and a PEACEFUL, HEALTHY NEW YEAR ☺🎅💟🎉🎆🎈🎁🎄🎀⛄❄
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #childhoodmemories #bonfirenight #guyfawkesnight #naiveart #naiveartist #memories #childhoodchristmas #merrychristmas #imagination #creativity

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (11) Three aspects of ME, a

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (11)
Three aspects of ME, as seen from the perspective of my 7 year old self.
ME zooming up the road outside my Woodbury Rise home on my faithful old 'Budgie' bike
ME sleeping contentedly in my bedroom (NO, this is NOT a photo, despite its breath-taking realism)
ME baring my dark and disturbed soul to the world.
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #childhoodmemories #childhooddays #selfportraits #naiveart #naiveartist #memories #kidportraits #kidsbike #imagination #creativity

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (10) More sci-fi brillianc

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (10)

More sci-fi brilliance from my 8 year old self - an exquisitely detailed lunar exploration vehicle, and a scary-looking android with a LOT of arms. I'm guessing that while I drew these I was making 'robot noises' and doing a dramatic verbal commentary (to myself) of how excitingly great they were.
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #childhoodmemories #scifiillustration #education #naiveart #naiveartist #robot #sciencefiction #moon #imagination #creativity

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (9) A triple-whammy of obse

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (9)
A triple-whammy of obsessions from my infant years - SMURFS, TONKA TRUCKS and DALEKS. Although Smurfs no longer play any part in my adult life, I am still a MASSIVE fan of anything related to Dr.Who, and a few years ago I bought an old Tonka Truck (the amusingly named 'MIGHTY DUMP') off ebay and put it in our garden to use as a bird feeder. The neighbours seemed a LOT less impressed by this awesome sight than I was.
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #childhoodmemories #daleks #tonkatruck #naiveart #naiveartist #memories #tonkatoys #tonka #imagination #creativity

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (8) This is the very first

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (8)
This is the very first novel I ever wrote!
'THE PARK CEEPER AND HIS HEDGEHOG' is an emotional rollercoaster... Beginning in a leaf-strewn park, it tells the story of a courageous hegdehog, a daring police-chase, a woodpecker that (bizarrely) cost £30, and, quite predictably, a happy ending.
Originally written in 1977, it is now hot property in Hollywood, with Daniel
Craig as 'The Park Ceeper' and Andy Serkis to be immaculately CGI-ed as 'his hedgehog'.
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #childhoodmemories #myfirstbook #amateurauthor #naiveart #naiveartist #memories #novelwriter #lookingback #imagination #creativity

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (7) Some witchy/wizardry bu

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (7)
Some witchy/wizardry business from about 1977, when I was seven years old. I distinctly remember being smug as anything about the fact that the scary Halloween Witch picture was drawn on the back of cardboard pieces cut out of a Cornflakes packet. Such inventiveness!!
And the wizard (to my infant mind) was the epitome of crazymad, out-of-control EVIL - much, MUCH worse than Voldemort, Sauron and Emperor Palpatine COMBINED.
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #halloweenwitch #witchart #education #naiveart #naiveartist #witch #wizard #evilwizard #imagination #creativity

Out of the (approximately) ten million turkeys sla

Out of the (approximately) ten million turkeys slaughtered over the festive season in the UK, just one of them will, in all probability, be on your dinner table on Christmas Day. One single creature who lived in abject misery and died in the same way so that you, festive reveller, can have a few slices of its muscle and fat.

With the innate empathy of an innocent child, as an infant I was disgusted and offended by this unnecessary cruelty, and with the knowledge and compassion of an adult I feel exactly the same.

I realise my words will have little or no effect on the average social media user (except those already vegan) so let's at least have a look at the magnificent, sentient creatures you'll soon be consuming and then forgetting about as you reach for the next mince pie.

'The Turkey Triptych' - acrylic paint on three A4 canvas boards (details)
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#meatfree #farm #animal #turkey #christmasturkey #farmlife #animals #activism #govegan #crueltyfree #veganism #veganlife #veganuniverse #acrylicpainting #veganlifestyle #meatless #instaart #artoftheday #instaartist #paint #contemporaryart #illustrator #fineart #savetheanimals #instaanimal #animallover #animalrights #veganuk #veganactivism #veganartist

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (6) This disturbing felt-ti

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (6)
This disturbing felt-tip pen drawing 'MONSTUS' is well-known in my family due to its terrifying depiction of nightmare creatures unleashed from the depths of Hell, as well as for its 'brave' spelling. For those not familiar with my eccentric/enthusiastic spelling techniques, we see here a glimpse into the dark soul of my six year old self, populated by CAT MEN, KILLER BUSHES, OCTOPUS MONSTERS, SPIKEY DRAGONS, POISONOUS STICKS, POISONOUS PLANTS, POISONOUS FACES and a FOUR-TONGUED SNAKE.

But even I have absolutely no idea what a POUTID NOWS is...
Answers on a postcard please.
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist # #scaryart #spookyart #monsterart #nightmareart #naiveart #naiveartist #memories #scarymonsters #monsters #imagination #creativity

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (5) Two examples of my earl

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (5)
Two examples of my early obsession with science fiction, thanks to the likes of Dr.Who, Logan's Run, Star Trek, Thunderbirds and Andrei Tarkovsky's epic cerebral psycho-drama 'Solaris'.

(I lied about the last one)

I actually won a £5 voucher for the 'moon landing' picture! Ooooooh GET ME!
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #childhoodmemories #schooldays #education #naiveart #sciencefictionart #scifi #scifiartwork #lookingback #imagination #creativity

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (4) This is a devastatingl

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (4)
This is a devastatingly accurate portrait of STEVE AUSTIN - THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN (from the 1970s TV series of the same name). Played by frowning macho man Lee Majors, this show was a huge influence on me throughout my infant years, and was the source of many playground adventures involving lifting up cars, running in slow motion whilst singing the theme tune, and capturing baddies by punching through the walls of their hideouts.
Note the detailed written descriptions of Steve's various 'bionic body bits'. Even at that tender age I was a complete geek.
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #leemajors #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #childhoodmemories #schooldays #education #naiveart #naiveartist #memories #thesixmilliondollarman #lookingback #bionicman #creativity

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (3) After a visit to my inf

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (3)
After a visit to my infants school by a policeman (to teach us about road safety) I got my first glimpse inside a police car and became obsessed by all the buttons and switches and lights in there. This resulted in this dramatic reconstruction of the event, skilfully rendered in felt tip pen.
Note the details of the radio in the back of the car and the steely gaze on the policeman's face. Some viewers may question the spelling on the car doors, but I would say to you - did you create masterpieces of observation like this when you were six years old?
No you did not.
So cut me some slack.
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #childhoodmemories #schooldays #education #naiveart #naiveartist #memories #retrocollective #lookingback #imagination #creativity

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (2) Another artistically hi

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! (2)
Another artistically hilarious 'effort' from the folder of so-called 'artwork' from my childhood. You may be forgiven for thinking that this is, in fact, a photograph of my mum circa 1977, BUT NO - LOOK AGAIN - and you'll be astonished to realise that it's actually a devastatingly accurate crayon portrait!!
My mum has never commented on this picture. Presumably because she's so impressed by it.
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#artist #drawing #artwork #childhood #creative #nostalgia #sketch #instaart #artistic #drawings #myart #childrensart #kidsart #kidsartwork #childrensillustration #kidsdrawing #creativekids #kidart #kidartist #childrenart #childhoodmemories #schooldays #education #naiveart #naiveartist #memories #mymum #crayonart #mumportrait #creativity

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Please get in touch if you are interested in purchasing any of my artwork which is not for sale in this shop. UK orders only. For all overseas shipping please contact me before purchase. Dismiss